i want you to know, that i am so, thankful that you're here
01/07/2005 // 6:47 am
0 more sleeps 'til move.
seriously should not be awake right now, but kim and dan's dumbass roommate went home for the long weekend and didn't turn his bloody alarm clock off. 5:45 a.m. a pet peeve i'm sure i had forgotten about. and now i get to move on 2.5 hours of sleep.
instead of coming home and packing after work last night, i went out with k to see War of the Worlds. major disappointment. i was actually bored at some parts. if i had been watching it at home, i would have turned it off. oh. well.
so, 24 hour recap? not really feeling it.
dan invited one of the guys from last weekend to help me move. after i made it clear i wasn't interested. partly because of the cocaine. partly because he smokes. mostly because i know when i'm going to have any sort of relationship on any level with a person the minute i meet them. this guy registered at "interesting to have hung out with twice, but never again" on the meter-o-lo-ove.
i especially didn't want to hang out with him after i was forwarded an e-mail he wrote to dan containing this paragraph.
"Hey, here's a question I think I should just toss out there. Does
Heather have a boyfriend? Do I have any chance with her? I think she
is awesome! She's smart and funny, which is exactly my type. Plus she
is damn good lookin'. I'd like to get to know her better, so do you
think it's worth my time or should I just go live under a bridge and
eat the people that try to cross my bridge but can't answer my three
riddles?"
not. worth. trying. i'm pretty sure k is showing up at some point today. i'm pretty transparent about my feelings towards him (okay, maybe not). i think that having this guy who likes me show up to help me move will become some what of an annoyance. or maybe not. i don't know.
i've really been questioning why i'm friends with my friends lately. not just because they can be shallow and materialistic beyond what human nature normally allows. the kim and dan show. i don't like being the center of attention, i also don't like having my attention demanded. constantly. the whole k thing has brought up issues. friends can be harsh. they jump to conclusions. they scrutenize. i'm critical, but i know i have the ability to open my mind. i don't know if my friends can really see beyond the exterior of things.
now for the climax, and denouement.
a few weeks ago, k and i went to kananaskis to go hiking. we sat on a log by a lake. and we had wild human sex! no. just kidding. he asked to see my hand. i thought it was weird, but it's probably just part of his regular person sceening process. anyway, in a circus freak show turn of events, the lines on both of our hands are pretty crazy matches to each other's. it's super fucked up. the more he talks about himself to me, the more it makes sense that (if you believe in that kinda thing) the lines on our hands would be similar. it's like we have somewhat parallel existance. seriously unreal. and i don't really understand what to make of it. i could do the coles notes version. i don't even mean commonalities. i mean, my left eye was crossed when i was born. the kind of messed up shit that it's impossible to make up.
and the end.
or not. i'm too tired to get off my ass.
mike,
thanks for calling yesterday. i really enjoyed talking to you. but, we could always talk to each other over the phone, right?
congrats on the job. i think it'll bring you immense connections and opportunities. plus european chicks are hot.
i think you know i feel absolutely no ill will towards you (i have no reason to), and honestly wish you the bestest.
looking back, i think we made pretty spectacular friends. tolerable roommates. and a mediocre couple. you have to know i love you. i could still tell you that without feeling weird, because it's true. i know we can't be buds. just know that i never stopped caring, and that if you need something, i'm around.
-g