ice breaks loudly
06/11/2003 // 6:33 pm
my 'to do' list is a mile long. so is my 'where to be' list. i don't care though, the only thing that's really getting me worked up is the way too many glasses of coke i've had today. i can't sit still. it's adding to my inability to work.
i was just watching the daily show and eating nachos. i think it was last night's show.. with bob newhart. they called halifax a whaling town. you know, it's funny... but way to add to america's abyss of misinformation about canada. some people watch that show as an actual news source. the kind of people that probably end up taking jon stewart way too seriously. and then produce pete came on. how can that not be based on pete luckett? jon stewart must love canadians.
and now back to the task at hand.. consolement, and looking for a different place to live for mid january, apparently.
oh yeah, and assignments, papers, readings, labs and ummm... somebody is stabbing ice off of the steps ouside my window and making super amounts of noise.
getting high on jesus
05/11/2003 // 7:28 pm
i just got raped up the bum by air canada. it's so not worth paying $700.00 to fly home for a week at christmas. but i'm going to. because it would be sad staying here.
my room is like a sauna. i've always loved the heat. i think my room is the only place in the house with heat. it's nice at night. i can sleep with naked with the window wide open (it's been -15 every morning when i wake up for the last two weeks) and still be toasty warm in the morning. that's how hot it gets in here.
i was asked to co-chair a session at a conference. i just got the list of papers being presented today. there are people coming from texas a&m, u of texas (austin), u of california (various), harvard, the smithsonian, stanford, la trobe, brigham young, dumbarton oaks... here. lots of pretentious place names, lots of people who i've probably carelessly cited in my own papers. i'm a little terrified. these are all big maya schools. eek.
and my bum hurts from being raped by air canada.
my eye is finally looking better, but i don't think my blood pressure has dropped from the fat old man level it was at last week. see, at 11:00-ish this morning i was in class, stabbing the back of my hand (the dorsal side, you know, not the palmer side) with the mechanical pencil the girl sitting beside me had set on the table. it left little ridges on the back of my hand. little circle bumps. no big deal, i've done it tonnes of times. well, the little circle bumpy holes are all still there.. many hours later... they're starting to disappear. they're more faint than earlier... but still visible. what does it all mean? i wasn't stab stabbing myself .. just stabbing. gently stabbing.
maybe i should go back and see that hot doctor guy...
lots and lots of split ends
03/11/2003 // 12:35 am
i wish my general pissiness could be accounted for somehow. something like pms, cabin fever, starvation, botulism... pretty much anything would do. but no, i'm just pissy.
a few hours ago i had the most fucked up phone call. trying to talk to michael is like trying to talk to one of those bingo bears my brother had when we were kids. you were supposed to be able to converse with it, but really it only said the save 24 things over and over and over. my conversation was kind of like that. he'd ask a question, i'd answer it with something relevant, and then he'd make a statement about something either completely unrelated, only somewhat related, or he'd start singing to the music I was listening to in MY background, or commenting on how sad it sounded.
yes. hayden = sad. that was established years ago. let's move on.
i've spent the last week, the whole week, trying to arrange plans to meet him around christmas time. i'm tired of waiting. i'm buying my tickets to go back to the steve tomorrow. i know he bought tickets somewhere the other day but he cut that conversation off with another irrelevant one. i'm going home for a few days and spending most of my christmas holidays back here. if he wants to be here, he can. if not, fine too. i have other people in my life now who've pretty much replaced any emotional need i may have ever had for him, and honestly, don't need to see him. i'd be happy if he came out here, but i'm not going to be upset if he doesn't. in fact, if he doesn't, i see no need to continue any sort of telephone or email or whatever relationship with him. we're not the same people we were when we were together, and honestly, i'm pretty sure i don't like who he is now anyway. physical attraction isn't enough to carry a long distance relationship very long, and it's been a stale year and a half now.
i know i've said it and thought it before, but it's got to fucking end somewhere, and it should have ended with evan.
i kind of wonder if he's cheating on me right now. i wouldn't really be shocked if he were, but i would be. just because it doesn't really fit with the kind of person he is. i guess i just wouldn't really care. if i did, i'd be a total hypocrite. i don't condone my own actions, and i do expect better from him. we have a messed up arrangement to go with our messed up conversations.
everything is pretty fucked up. i need to sleep.
wasting my day away
01/11/2003 // 4:44 pm
something strange happened to my internet explorer menubar. it's all streamlined and such. it happened with one carefree inadvertant click. i don't know what i did.. or how to turn it back.
last night i was supposed to go soberly to a friend's party (the guy i projectile vomited on last weekend), but i ended up at the den again. two friday nights in a row, unamused, in the sucky campus bar. sorry night club. it was super unfun. i wish i could have gone to the house party and been sober. it was my job to repay jim by looking after any wayward drunks at his party. oh well. next time.
today i've been trying to work on an assignment, but i've typed three words: "the oldest occupation". go me. i just got back from shopping. regular saturday shopping. drug store and groceries. all i bought was fruit, chocolate milk, weiner wraps, pop, and candy. i also got a really good pair of pliers and a 3m hook which i just hung on my wall for such things as towels.. both for a dollar!! yay! i love my new pliers so much. i've used them already to cut norman's wire whiskers (the guitar strings).. they've been dangling for quite some time now, waiting to poke my eye out.
i'm dressed as a hobo today. i heart twix. i need to make a package up for michael since he sent me one last week. i think mine will mostly consist of hallowe'en candy. what else can i put in it?
wow, i'm lame. time to go think about my lameness.. and then maybe work on my assignment. if i can.
it's a hayden-y day.